You Don't Know What You Don't Know

Dear D-Bo,


When I first heard this quote, "you don't know what you don't know," I remember thinking, what does that mean?  I think I even used it a few times before I really knew what it meant. If you think about it, though, this quote makes perfect sense.  


This past week, two and a half weeks until the big dance, I have felt an array of emotions, ranging from sheer anxiety to overwhelming joy. Perhaps the strongest of these emotions, though, is panic-what your dad likes to call "fear of the unknown." And yes, he used air quotes tonight before bed when trying to reassure me that everything would be okay.  I am sure he has used those on you before. What a riot he is.  


He is so right.  I'm scared.  But, I don't know what it is that I am afraid of; hence, "I don't know what I don't know." Every little pain or uncomfortable feeling in my mind must be labor. I even timed a contraction that I am sure was just another pain related to being nine and a half months pregnant.  Also, this is the second night this week that I have been awake since 1:00am, only to stay awake until the next night at bedtime.  The funny thing is that I am not sleepy. Dad calls it my "walking zombie," and between us, I think it scares him a little.  


I just don't know what to expect. The labor, your birth, raising you. The only thing that I do know is how to love you.  That's it.  Your Meme says that to love you is enough, but I do worry.  And, I also know that by now, as you read this, you too have probably faced scary(like roller coaster scary: exciting but scary) situations, so I wanted to share my coping method.  


For me, it is music.  If you take after either of us, you will turn to music as well.  Here is the opening lines to one of my all-time favorite songs, "Lay Me on the Water" by Gavin DeGraw

Thinking bout' the water for a sign,
waiting for the moment to arise.
I now that no man could ever fly,
just lay me on the water.

colors paint great pictures in my dreams,
shinning of the rust that I have seen.
but I dont need to show them to the world,
just lay me on the water.

And the water is calm,
I'll just float.
and if its rough, and high,
I'll pretend that im a boat.
lay me on the water.


I guess the lesson here is quite simple. Feel free to remind me of this when I am yelling about homework and un-done chores.  Just Float,  Baby D!  When you are scared, confused, or just plain sleepy, float on!!!!
Love you,
Mom