For a Dancer

Dear Dylan,

Today has been a really sad day.  Your uncle Martin lost his father today to cancer, after an extremely difficult battle.  By now, you are well aware of the paradox of life--the sadness of death; the happiness of birth. Here I sit, eleven days away from your arrival, mourning the loss of a great man that battled for others' freedom his entire life, yet lost his freedom with such haste and sorrow.  You will never meet Lt. General Martin Berndt, but his spirit will live on in your cousins Martin Douglass Berndt and Abigail Elizabeth Berndt.

The lesson here, my love, is that life is very short.  In this brief moment that we are here, we must love each other and enjoy the little moments that we will remember forever.  We must pay attention to the small things about each other that we love and waste no time on the menial mistakes that we tend to stress over.  Laugh as often as you can, little one, and never take anyone for granted.  Here is one of my most favorite songs. I heard it at a celebration of life for a family friend, John Lantz.  Pay special attention to part in bold, as I think it inspires a truly unique viewpoint on this paradox of life.

Keep a fire burning in your eye
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
I don`t remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must have thought you`d always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you`re nowhere to be found

I don`t know what happens when people die
Can`t seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It`s like a song I can hear playing right in my ear
That I can`t sing
I can`t help listening
And I can`t help feeling stupid standing `round
Crying as they ease you down
`Cause I know that you`d rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrow away
(Right on dancing)
No matter what fate chooses to play
(There`s nothing you can do about it anyway)

Just do the steps that you`ve been shown
By everyone you`ve ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours
Another`s steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you`ll do alone

Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don`t let the uncertainty turn you around
(The world keeps turning around and around)
Go on and make a joyful sound

Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
But you`ll never know


Although this life is full of sadness, of loved ones long gone, I truly believe, much like this song, that sorrow inspires hope. Indeed you will do the final dance alone, but it will be made up of the lifetime that you've shared with others, their steps in sync with yours. The seeds you spread, although you may never see them grow, will in fact bloom as proof that there is a reason that you were here.  


I love you,
Mom