Just A Conversation

Dear Dylan,

We are leaving for the hospital shortly, and I thought if your Dad and I wrote to you about our last conversation at our home before meeting you, it may make for some comic relief. 

Dad: "Ames-is there anything upstairs left that I need to get? 
Mom: "Dylan's bag and my bag."
Dad: "Purple bag? Hair straightner?"
Mom: "No, just our bags."
Dad: "Hair dryer?"
Mom: "Oh, yes, I forgot to put that in there."
Dad: "Do we need a onesie or something else for Dylan to come home in just in case?"
Mom: (laughing anxiously) "I've got it taken care of, sweetie. Promise."
Dad: "I'm nervous, buddy."
Mom: "I'm hungry!" 
Dad: "I'm going to Subway. I will be there and back by the time you have to call."

You see, Dylan, your parents are expert communicators.  We keep our conversations short and sweet, so that no one gets confused!! :)  Although we are both so excited to meet you, I think it is obvious that we are scared  to death.  You are already so precious to us, and we want to make sure that we get it right, for your sake. I have been thinking about you all day today-all weekend, really-and I keep thinking over and over again how awesome this experience has been. Back during the first tri-mester, I was so sick that I just wanted the time to pass, and now, as the time is here, I find myself already missing your subtle kicks, sweet hiccups, and gentle movements.  

I wanted to include some last minute pictures of your parents before we leave for the hospital. I have no doubt that these will haunt you for most of your teenage years, but please know one thing, the crazy kids in these pictures love you so much and have from the very beginning!



and Confused!



Dazed 



See you soon, sweet angel,

Mom and Dad

"The Sun'll Come Out, Tomorrow"

Sweet Baby Dylan,

I posted the title to this blog last night before bed, thinking that maybe you would come today and brighten what is sure to be one of the darkest weekends we've seen in awhile. :) Well, you didn't come, but the sun did come out over the wreckage left in the wake of Hurricane Irene.  As you know, this past weekend brought a terrible storm that has left death and destruction across North Carolina and even made its way up the northern coast.  Millions of people are without power, several schools in the eastern part of the state are without roofs and functioning classrooms, and still, the sun is shining. 

Today, your Dad has worked all day to clean up our yard, as it was filled with leaves, sticks, and other storm debris.  He has stopped only for lunch and dinner, and now, is outside finishing the job. I helped until noon, but he then ordered me inside to rest! I know I have said this before to you in these letters, but I truly hope you get his dedication and his care of others. He is truly one of the greatest men that I have ever known, and soon, you will be sharing that honor with your Dad and your Pape.

Tomorrow evening, we will go for the induction or what I like to call the "medical bribe" to encourage you to come meet your new family!  I am still hopeful that you will make your way into this world on your own, so I am not giving up. Truthfully, though, you better act fast because "time's a wastin".  I love you, Dylan, and no matter what, you're only a day away!
Love you, to the moon and back,
Mom

Taking the World By Storm

Dylan,

You had your mommy quaking in her rainbows today, when she thought you were going to take the world by storm! This afternoon, I experienced my very first, and what I hope to be my last, earthquake.  The house shook hard enough to make the girls run and hide, pictures fall from the wall, and interrupt the news, tracking Hurricane Irene, which is set to arrive on your due date. Needless to say, this week has started out to be extremely interesting, and I anticipate, with August 28th steadily approaching, it will end just as powerfully as it began. Quickly, my son, I am preparing myself to be moved, as you prepare to take this world by storm.

Here are a few of the most recent headlines and pictures from the news:

The track from the National Hurricane Center for Irene as of 11 a.m. on Aug. 23, 2011.
Copyright 2011 Capitol Broadcasting Company

"Above All Else, Eastern Quake Rattles Nerves"- New York Times August 24, 2011

An image released by the NOAA made from the GEOS East satellite shows Hurricane Irene on Aug. 23, 2011. The storm is on a track that could see it reach the U.S. Southeast as a major storm by the end of the week. (AP Photo/NOAA)

"Holy Moly! What just happened?"-Mommy's Facebook

"From Georgia to Maine, the Earth shook the entire east coast"-WRAL Morning News: 8/24/2011

"Buddy, something just shook our entire downtown five-story building!!"-Text message from your Dad

I have always had a flare from drama, Dylan, and as this week continues to move forward, I am starting to feel that maybe you are going to get that from me! And, that makes me both excited and extremely nervous! Yesterday, I even called my doctor to ask what would happen if we got stuck at home while I was in labor, unable to get to the hospital due to the storm.  Luckily, I had to leave a message, and I am dreading the call back.  Am I really worried about that at this point??  My friend Katie told me not to worry about the doctor. In fact she said, "They are used to dealing with pregnant women, and we are all CRAZY." The good news about all of this is at least we can laugh about it.  I am sure you are reading this and thinking, wow, mom is crazy!! And, you would not be totally wrong!


The bottom line is this:  you will be here soon, "come Hell or high water" (Meme Moore original) and one thing is for sure "it won't be as long as it's been" (Granna Boyette bit of wisdom).  

And until  "The Deputy" and "The Sheriff" show a bit more concern, we will remain calm!  


Hurry Home,


Mom

Dad’s Rulebook for the Game of Life: The First Inning: The Truth Shall Set You Free

Dylan,

This is Dad. I have decided to become a guest blogger on your mommy’s blog because I wanted to have a little fun of my own.  I am sure by now you have realized that your mom is an excellent writer; wonderful with words, captivating with creativity, and dynamic with delivery.  You will not get any of that from my blog; instead, you will get cold, hard facts that will keep your head above water in this house that as of now is ruled by women.   And that’s just the way that it is.

This first lesson is one that I have learned along the way.  The truth shall set you free. Always tell the truth (unless you are referencing a bad haircut or risky wardrobe move: a lesson that we will cover in the future. Not telling the truth will eat at your conscience, tear at your nerves, and make you second-guess your every move.  Not to mention, telling an untruth will hurt those that you love the most, and trust me son, hurting those close to you is heartbreaking.  Another piece of advice: don’t try the lying thing with your mother: she’s a bloodhound and can smell a lie a mile away.  Trust me on this: the truth shall set you free.

In the spirit of truth-telling, I am now going to tell your mom that I took a picture of her while she was sleeping today. She hates when I do this:

Then, I am going to ask her if I can post this blog—another fun lesson for you to look forward to: asking permission (especially from your parents) is always a safe bet.  Looking so forward to meeting you!

I love you,

Dad

For a Dancer

Dear Dylan,

Today has been a really sad day.  Your uncle Martin lost his father today to cancer, after an extremely difficult battle.  By now, you are well aware of the paradox of life--the sadness of death; the happiness of birth. Here I sit, eleven days away from your arrival, mourning the loss of a great man that battled for others' freedom his entire life, yet lost his freedom with such haste and sorrow.  You will never meet Lt. General Martin Berndt, but his spirit will live on in your cousins Martin Douglass Berndt and Abigail Elizabeth Berndt.

The lesson here, my love, is that life is very short.  In this brief moment that we are here, we must love each other and enjoy the little moments that we will remember forever.  We must pay attention to the small things about each other that we love and waste no time on the menial mistakes that we tend to stress over.  Laugh as often as you can, little one, and never take anyone for granted.  Here is one of my most favorite songs. I heard it at a celebration of life for a family friend, John Lantz.  Pay special attention to part in bold, as I think it inspires a truly unique viewpoint on this paradox of life.

Keep a fire burning in your eye
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
I don`t remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must have thought you`d always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you`re nowhere to be found

I don`t know what happens when people die
Can`t seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It`s like a song I can hear playing right in my ear
That I can`t sing
I can`t help listening
And I can`t help feeling stupid standing `round
Crying as they ease you down
`Cause I know that you`d rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrow away
(Right on dancing)
No matter what fate chooses to play
(There`s nothing you can do about it anyway)

Just do the steps that you`ve been shown
By everyone you`ve ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours
Another`s steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you`ll do alone

Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don`t let the uncertainty turn you around
(The world keeps turning around and around)
Go on and make a joyful sound

Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
But you`ll never know


Although this life is full of sadness, of loved ones long gone, I truly believe, much like this song, that sorrow inspires hope. Indeed you will do the final dance alone, but it will be made up of the lifetime that you've shared with others, their steps in sync with yours. The seeds you spread, although you may never see them grow, will in fact bloom as proof that there is a reason that you were here.  


I love you,
Mom

Two Weeks Notice

Dearest Dylan,

Your mommy does live for a good love story! One of my favorites is Two Weeks Notice, starring Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant.  Much like the main character, I am very impatient and stubborn, but in the end reveal myself as a hopeless romantic.  Sweetie, this is two weeks notice: officially, you have fourteen days to vacate the premises. LOVE YOU! HUGS.

Here are some reasons that you should hurry on your way:

This will be your new home! All that is missing is you!  

Your sister, Mac, gives the stare down
when she has reached her limit. See?

Your sister, Coco, aka "The Sheriff"
has been standing guard...for weeks.  

Mommy has her bags packed already.  :)

I go for my 38 week appointment tomorrow, and I am quite sure that the news will be the same. Truthfully, I am fine with it. You hang on as long as you need to, sweet angel! Mommy and Daddy will be waiting patiently for you to make your big debut; for, your birth and your life will surely be my most favorite love story of all.

 However, in the meantime, here is a picture of me, giving you, your two weeks notice:

I love you...as big as the sky,

Mom

You Don't Know What You Don't Know

Dear D-Bo,


When I first heard this quote, "you don't know what you don't know," I remember thinking, what does that mean?  I think I even used it a few times before I really knew what it meant. If you think about it, though, this quote makes perfect sense.  


This past week, two and a half weeks until the big dance, I have felt an array of emotions, ranging from sheer anxiety to overwhelming joy. Perhaps the strongest of these emotions, though, is panic-what your dad likes to call "fear of the unknown." And yes, he used air quotes tonight before bed when trying to reassure me that everything would be okay.  I am sure he has used those on you before. What a riot he is.  


He is so right.  I'm scared.  But, I don't know what it is that I am afraid of; hence, "I don't know what I don't know." Every little pain or uncomfortable feeling in my mind must be labor. I even timed a contraction that I am sure was just another pain related to being nine and a half months pregnant.  Also, this is the second night this week that I have been awake since 1:00am, only to stay awake until the next night at bedtime.  The funny thing is that I am not sleepy. Dad calls it my "walking zombie," and between us, I think it scares him a little.  


I just don't know what to expect. The labor, your birth, raising you. The only thing that I do know is how to love you.  That's it.  Your Meme says that to love you is enough, but I do worry.  And, I also know that by now, as you read this, you too have probably faced scary(like roller coaster scary: exciting but scary) situations, so I wanted to share my coping method.  


For me, it is music.  If you take after either of us, you will turn to music as well.  Here is the opening lines to one of my all-time favorite songs, "Lay Me on the Water" by Gavin DeGraw

Thinking bout' the water for a sign,
waiting for the moment to arise.
I now that no man could ever fly,
just lay me on the water.

colors paint great pictures in my dreams,
shinning of the rust that I have seen.
but I dont need to show them to the world,
just lay me on the water.

And the water is calm,
I'll just float.
and if its rough, and high,
I'll pretend that im a boat.
lay me on the water.


I guess the lesson here is quite simple. Feel free to remind me of this when I am yelling about homework and un-done chores.  Just Float,  Baby D!  When you are scared, confused, or just plain sleepy, float on!!!!
Love you,
Mom

Odds and Ends; This and That

Baby D,


We are so prepared for your arrival. I laugh as I type this as the irony in that statement spills off the page.  Check out this picture of your parents at our last shower:

I want you to take a close look at our expressions.  We look excited, anxious, nervous, and utterly clueless.  I hope that doesn't scare you at all; I am sure by the time you read this, we will have everything sorted out. However, I thought you may get a kick out of seeing how young and unaware we both look weeks before your arrival.  

Here are a couple of us separately. Again, we look like we have no clue as to what is to come:

Mommy

Daddy

And, truly Dylan, it is okay to laugh.  I look exhausted and Dad looks like his normal, happy to be alive self.  I really hope you take after him on this one! 


To be completely honest, we have spent the past several weeks assembling your Pack-N-Play, organizing diapers, washing your clothes, among other odds and ends. It is so crazy all that it takes to welcome a miracle, and I must tell you that I have learned so much lately. Who would have ever guessed that the size of the diapers is indicated on the actual diaper?? Your Dad and I were using the "eyeball" method (totally his idea) for organizing your diapers. Don't tell, but it took us two hours to make the number on the diaper discovery. But, don't fear, we have totally got this under control! :)


Tell me your stance on sailboats.  This is the pattern that Dad and I picked out for your room. Your Meme and I spent hours on this project.  We had to find the anchors and paint them a matching navy, not to mention add little specks of green paint on the your letters to tie in all the contrasting colors.  Yes, you know by now that your Meme is a perfectionist, although she will tell you "nothing's perfect". Don't believe her.  She doesn't really feel that way.  

My favorite spot! 

Finally, today, I went to target to pick up the final items to complete our "this and that" list that I have added to graciously this week.  By now, you know I am a lister, but I can assure you, they do help.  Since your Meme and Pape helped us install our car seats this weekend, I just had to have the window shades to protect your precious eyes as we travel in the backseat of the Honda.  


As I was looking at those screens, a fleeting thought that apparently wasn't so fleeting crept into my mind.  What if I can't protect you in this life?  I have thought about it all night, which may be part of the reason I am up, writing.  I can promise you that I will do my best, although I know at times, it may not be enough.  The simple fact is that you can prepare and prepare, organizing, arranging, listing those odds and ends and this and thats, and life can still catch you off-guard.  


In the end, we have to keep on moving, loving, and healing.  


Love you, mean it,


Mommy