Love at First Sound

My Dearest BB (Baby Boyette),

I am already so excited about your firsts. First smile, first steps, first words, first love—the list could go on and on.  The point is that your daddy and I already love you so very much.  When I first “saw” the happy news and shared it with Dan, whom you will grow to know as daddy, I knew that I would love you. However, I never knew how deep or how true that love could be until January 14, 2011. Buckle your emotional seatbelt, sweetie; for this story has laughter, tears, anxiety,  and teeth smiles (grins where you show your teeth, so we truly know you mean it) all rolled into one. 

Doctor’s visits can be very weird, and I dare say that girly doctor visits are the least bit comfortable; however, I have been through countless visits too numerous to count. Your daddy, on the contrary, has not been to a girly doctor, which I am thankful for, but after this visit, I can honestly say that he is a changed man, in more ways than one.  Since I had been so sick, I had to bring a snack inside the office, which I conveniently left in the car because I was so nervous. I did, however, manage to bring in my big, geeky purple clipboard, with the one million forms I had to complete prior to this visit. Needless to say, your dad had to go back out to the car to get my snack only to return inside to have to go right back outside to take back your mommy’s teacher clipboard. And you know what, BB?  He smiled the entire time, half laughing at my nervousness and half covering his will to be frustrated.  I really hope you get his easy-going demeanor and his ability to smile through the pain. 

When they call my name, we immediately go back, and I can tell that as we pass the bathroom, the scales, the blood draw station, and the numerous open rooms with girly visions a man should never see, your daddy is growing increasingly uncomfortable.  If when you read this, you are a mature young woman, you will understand why his nervousness makes me chuckle with the slightest bit of “see, it ain’t easy being a woman these days” sense of accomplishment.  If not, just ask your wife. 

As we wait for the doctor, I see your dad reading through all the baby information, and I, of course, am eating my second snack of the visit.  That’s another trait that I hope you inherit from your dad—his thirst for knowledge and eagerness to always know more.  Thankfully, the doctor leads us to the ultrasound room and assures me that this procedure won’t take long. He does, however, take that moment to tell me that 1 of 4 women receive the bad news that their baby has no heartbeat.  Suspended in time, I felt his words like a kick to my stomach, knocking all air from my lungs. Never once in this entire eight-week journey did I ever imagine that you would not have a heartbeat.  With a clinched jaw and eyes welled with tears, I entered the room and prepared myself to meet you for the first time.  Those are traits that I hope you get from me—determination through tears and emotions through grey. 

The nurse, the doctor, your dad, and I were glued to the screen.  As he searched around for you and we waited, each of us holding our breath, the doctor finally yelled out (and I do mean yelled), “We have a heartbeat!”  Like I am now, I was crying tears of pride and joy, while your daddy circled the room, puffed up like a proud rooster.  At one point, I swear he almost chest bumped the doctor.  I am sure at this point in your life, during a Bears or Pirate football game, your father has helped you perfect the art of chest bumping. And if you can imagine the best one you’ve ever seen him do, whether it was double overtime of a Tarheels’ game or the ninth inning of the Cubs in the World Series (this makes me laugh), his chest bump on this day, the day we first met you, was three times as good.  Finally, we heard your heartbeat, and immediately I knew the true of meaning of love.  BB, I tell you, with all the truth and honesty in my heart and soul, it was love at first sound. 


Love,
Mommy